I talk to God but the sky is empty...

You know how people talk about heartache? I realise now how it feels - its like vise-grip in the centre of your chest... a constant choke hold that makes you feel you cannot breathe anymore - in fact, makes you feel its not worth breathing anymore.
I detest confrontations... I cannot make myself do it. The truths that I discover - are they really true? How can written words lie? Do they lie? Do they not?
Where do you draw the line between flirtation and cheating? A whirlwind vortex of words and emotions fly towards me - the backdrop - a million shades of grey.

Labels: heartbreak hotel

All is well in la-la land, and I am just checking in to assure you that I am - after all, alive.
Maybe not thriving. Maybe still confused. Maybe as much of a joke as so many of my so-called friends seem to think I am, but alive.
As well as can be in these uncertain times, when you don't know if you should even rely on your own feelings and instincts - when all they do is scream about storms that are gathering momentum. Its like watching a car crash in slo-mo - realising the potential for destruction - yet unable to act/react.

Maybe this too, is in HIS plans for me. Steel is forged in the hottest of fires - but dear God, when do you stop burning?

 I feel numb.
 The wait is interminable – but what comes after?
 Thought bubbles float around my head, glistening in the light and distracting me in the most inconvenient times.
 Is it the company I miss or ….?
 Too many questions, too little time.
 Why can’t we just be rational – no emotions = no expectations = no pain…
 I cannot put down what I want to say – I dare not even confess it here – and its got a chokehold on my sanity.

I went off on a diversion, a small side trip. Did not want to make it the journey of my life, neither did I expect it to last long. For all the the best laid plans, life has a way of smacking you in the back of the head when you least want it to. The machismo is alive and kicking, and I cannot let what I feel show.

I miss you. 6 more days. An eternity. After that . . . who knows...

I have lived with shackles for so long that the thought of removing them is cause for consternation. Funny, how you can get used to the most inconvenient of bondages. Removing them would allow my growth as a person, but with the growth comes new responsibilities… Maybe it is time to grow up – just a little.